I Cannot Win a Camcorder

Everyone I know would love to win a PolaroidDVG-720BC http://www.high-tech-store.com/polaroid-dvg-720bc-5mp-hi-definition-digital-camcorder-with-27-lcd-display.html. Not that I’ve sat them down and asked; that would require organization of time and a clear understanding of what a camcorder is. Still, if I get quiet and concentrate, I can feel their dormant desire. And therein lies the chasm between us.   

A few years back, I couldn’t imagine why the capabilities of making a phone call and taking a picture would exist within one technological unit. The juxtaposition seemed alien, like a water fountain dispensing tampons. When people showed me pictures stored in their phones, I had to fake enthusiasm. Yes, I chirped to a client; your boyfriend is adorable. You’re right, I told a friend; that dress does camouflage your mother’s goiter. I wasn’t lying, but my words lacked heart. Then one day I stubbed my toe badly and, in the process, inadvertently shot a picture of my own pained expression. At that moment, any hope that I’d come to accept camera phones slid into remission.

Years have passed since the toe-stub photo shoot. During that time, I somehow evolved into Blackberry ownership and, to my peril, discovered its photo app.    

I happened to be cleaning out my living room closet. Looking out over a sea of old winter jackets, unmatched bed sheets and underused cleaning supplies, I glimpsed my sleeping cat on the windowsill, her face framed by sunshine. Recognizing a perfect means of diversion, I made a fast grab for my Blackberry. There was a camera hidden somewhere in there; I knew it. I just had to figure out where.

Three hours later found me beholding a 942 frame photo gallery of my cat and a living room none the neater. 

This trend has continued undiminished. In fact, the pairing of my photo talents and cleaning aversion has resulted in the steady deterioration of my apartment. Papers are piled about, vases are dusty, and venturing into my fridge is often ill-advised. If I had a http://www.high-tech-store.com/electronics/cameras.html digital camera, I’d probably spend my days filming my dictionary, sofa, or toaster. Left unchecked, I’d eventually find The Center for Disease Control at my door.      

I cannot win a  camcorder. If I do, Jen — of humor blog Redhead Ranting –will have some serious explaining to do.


9 thoughts on “I Cannot Win a Camcorder

  1. I think a cat picture gallery is in order.

    I was horrified to learn that my husband’s iPhone has a camera with a flash, while my lousy cell phone just makes calls and shoots dark blurry pictures.

    Having a flash in a phone is rather decadent.

    P.S. Moving dots on Disqus means it’s loading. Disqus is the last thing to load on a page.

  2. I want to see the photo of the toe stub! After all, it’s what started this madness! A lovely madness,if I may add. Here’s crossing my fingers that you win the camcorder!

  3. What a hysterically funny post. I never thought of a water fountain capable of dispensing tampons, but now I will! You seem as technical savvy as I am…and it just keeps coming! The learning curve is mind-boggling. Thanks for the wonderfully funny tale of your plight with the cell camera. Love it!

    1. Thanks so much, Annie. We seem to have a lot in common. The technology learning curve absolutely is mind-boggling. How and why are we expected to comprehend this stuff?

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